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Monday, September 27, 2004

HOLY SONNETS. - John Donne

XIV.

Batter my heart, three-person'd God ; for you
As yet but knock ; breathe, shine, and seek to mend ;
That I may rise, and stand, o'erthrow me, and bend
Your force, to break, blow, burn, and make me new.
I, like an usurp'd town, to another due,
Labour to admit you, but O, to no end.
Reason, your viceroy in me, me should defend,
But is captived, and proves weak or untrue.
Yet dearly I love you, and would be loved fain,
But am betroth'd unto your enemy ;
Divorce me, untie, or break that knot again,
Take me to you, imprison me, for I,
Except you enthrall me, never shall be free,
Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.

*************************************************************************************
Hmm... haven't wrote the blog for ages... I must be getting old. Honestly, It's just like every night I'm so tired that I just wanna drop into bed and... die... ok ok... not literally that.. In fact, I'd rather sleep. I went to church today. It's really been months since I went to my own church. And at least a year since I last went to Jane's church. I remember coz it's really pre-A level Prelim period. which is about a year ago this month.. The message was just okay today. Didn't really have the glow which i usually have when i received a powerful message. I just feel like... me... Kinda disappointed since I really missed Pastor Prince's sermon. Not that the guest speaker wasn't good. I think he was good and funny and stuff. But honestly, his accent was so thick i could barely catch what he said and i tell you it's a huge strain. I think that I understand American and English accent much better than I could catch the australian accents.

By the way, the Poem above is written by John Donne. It's okay if you don't understand it. I spent the last 1 year in my literature class trying to understand it. so don't you worry about it.. Haha... But if you reall didn't suffer through lit class with me, you should be glad about it. But honestly, this poem actually affect me in ways no songs or other words can. it's deeply symbolic, personally touching and mentally thought provoking.

Hmm... you would ask what have i been up to... Nothing much really. Just homeworks, watching tv and stuff such as French and Piano etc. Did i mention... Can you believe it?? I Passed my Grade 6?? I mean i thought i was doomed. Literally. I didn't expect that i could pass. It's almost like a miracle. Anyway I only passed bu a slip. Honestly. The passing mark was 100. and i got 105. The examiner still can comment that. "Despite problems today, she had a firm pass". And that was a direct quote from her comments about my playing on the exam day. But really, if it was me being the examiner, i would have flunked myself and gave myself the rating of 95. Trust me. It was That bad.

Do you know what happened ? I was so nervous that days, all my fingers were cramped.I think they were stiffer than a corpse's fingers.

So to prepare myself, I selected to play the Scales and Arpeggios first. You know... to warm up my fingers.. I did all right for that. Her comment for me was:

"These mostly came readily although minors were less than majors and also less secure today generally. The tempo was good. There were some little restraints and hesistations on the way. Arpeggios could be tidier altogether."

For that she gave me 15 our of 21, the passing mark being 14. [Well, they said female examiners weremore stingy]

And after that came the disaster. My exam piano was a tall black gleaming normal exam piano. No thanks to the cleaner, it was polished so well, that i can see my my own reflection .And. The reflection of my examiner seated a few feets behind me. So everytime, i look up at the reflection, i see the examiner looking at me, i froze and everything was a blur. I was THAT terrified. So? What's your point you'd ask me. Well, imagine this:

I'm seated at the piano, with my book of exam pieces fingers poised, ready to begin when she said so. So she says start. First piece. I played fluently for the first page . When i was halfway on my second page, i happened to look up- to the spot right beside the book, right into her face, i was frightened so badly i forgot what i was playing, stumbled, hit the wrong note and had to repeat a bar before it. It happened another time and this was her comment:

"This began at a suitably lively tempo and with security of notes and rythm. As it continued though there were quite frequent little slips and stumbles, unfortunately breaking the flow. The middle section was the worst affected"

She flunked me. Gave me a 17 out of 30 where the passing mark was 30. Thankfully, she didn't fail me by much. So that i could make up the difference.

The second piece was better. Surprisingly. I did slightly better. Why was is a surprise? Coz at the beginning when i was choosing the pieces to play, my piano teacher actually had three picked ready for me. But I didn't like the second piece much and i insisted that it is changed to a much nicer one. A Spanish Tango. Unfortunately, it was also the most difficult piece in the whole book. And at the beginning when i played it, it was out of rythm and off key. She kept telling me. It's not too late to change and that at the way i'm playing, i'm bound to fail this piece. and i agree. it was tough. But then again, i'm a sturbborn person by nature. The more you don't want me to do it, the more i want to. And I am determine to prove that i could best it. In fact, it was so lovely a song, I'm sorry I couldn't do credit to it and I did. Anyway, It was the only piece i passed out of 3 and only by a margin. She commented that:

"Here too, the playing began securely but it was very slow initially. As it continued, the tempo increased and became more apt generally.Notes and rythm were clearly known well. It needs to keep flowing despite the need to find the una corda pedal. On the final page, rythm was often rather wary today".

That was cause, with all the stretching of my fingers and i meant at least 7 to 8 keys constantly and the stepping of the pedals, i was exhausted. esp. since i had to coordinate my both hands and both my feets. But i enjoyed playing that song. I just go 21 out of 30 with 20 as the passing mark.

I can say that although I learnt my third piece last, only a month (ie. 4 piano lessons) before the test, i did slightly better than the first piece though i still flunk. But generally, i had the same problem of looking at the examiner. Just like the first piece. I got a 18 out of 30 with 20 as it's passing mark.

"In this piece also, the notes began safely but slowly. It continued with a very pedestrian feeling until some unfortunate stumbling in the middle. It does need some awareness of dynamics and tempo changes, and generally to flow more."

I guess to her, it was just Okay. But not good enough. So she failed me. but then again. I did my best for this piece.

Immediately after, it was the sight reading. I'm the least confident in this aspect since. for scales and the exam pieces you can pre-prepare it at home way in advance. But this sight reading thingy, you just have to rough it out when they give it to you. With a 1 minute grace to look through it first... or is it 30 Seconds? Abit like Unseen Poem like that lor... Ever since i took grade 1, I've always flunked my Sight Reading. Flunk so horribly, i can in essence, classify it under tragedy already. Yep! It's That bad. and pathetic.

So after she gave me the piece, i immediately took note of the sharps, flats and the time signature. and played softly the right hand once through. But just as i was going to try the left hand, she said times up! And i turned to her and said what ? Must i do it now ? And she was like giving me a duh! look and said yes. So no choice, I've gotta just dive it with no knowledge of what's gonna happen at my left hand notes.. Surprisingly, it came through for me.

"This was somewhat reluctant to start. When it did so the notes were mostly right and it was generally fairly steady. The tempo was good. Dynamics should be helpful."

Haha... I was so relieved. I got a 17 out of 21 with a 14 as a passing mark, I was quite disappointed but my piano teacher said it's quite good already. So i guess i should be satisfied with it.

But despite all that, it was the aural test which saved the day. I got nearly full marks. minus 1 wrong answer i guess. Got a 17 out of 18 with a passing mark of 12. Phew !!

"These were good except for the period of D"

I think she meant the section D qn which i got wrong..
So despite all these problems, luckily for me, i still passed.

Yesterday, something vexing happened to my family. We were at Sim Lim square when we encountered this. My dad was waiting to park illegally at the double yellow line as he run in to collect the comp from repair. so there was like space enough for 3 large cars.. That is if you park vertically. (Downwars, as shown in the diagram below)
_______________
A l B l C l

But then there was this indian woman who tried to park horizontally (ie. across the line). I mean, isn't it greddy of her? She want to park, others also want to park. Couldn't she like share ? Is it too much to ask that of her, anyway, i aslo don't really know where she got her license coz i swear she couldn't park properly and fast enough to save her life. She spent like 10 mins with her car going back and forth , left and right, back and forth, back and forth... all the way.. My dad was so Pissed off coz we're running late and there she was taking her own sweet time, and trying to take up Slot Bs and C. Since Slot A already occupied by a truck. So while she moving out for like the 1 millionth time, my dad swung neatly into slot B. Anyway, she rolled down her window and started screaming like a mad woman at my dad. My dad just simply asked her. What do you think you're doing? It's such a big space. And there she was still screaming. So he ignored her, told us to wait in the car and went off to get the computer.

She was so unreasonable when my aunt tried to explain she just rolled up her window and drove the car into Slot C, so very close to our car. Then she open the door slightly and then just release it with all her strength so that it'll crash into our door. Scrapped off some parts of our paint. We were all so furious with her. Even worse, she still dared to stand arms akimbo and glare at us triumphly. You'd think she would be more civilised, driving a mercedes. and being a mother of two young kids, you really want to snap at her "grow up! Act mature! And stop acting like a kid!" Of Course The car Plate of her car was taken down by all of us. Know why she can bear crashing her door into ours? I can guarantee you. Her car is at least 10 years old. So it's a old car. While ours is just slightly more than a year half, going close to 2 years.

My mum was so furious, she walked to the other side, the space between our cars, slot b and c and stood glaring at her. So it was kinda like a stand-off. Where my mum stand at the backside of our car and she at hers, facing and glaring at each other.. Know you know why they say women are a vicious lot. then my aunt knocked at the window pane where my mum was standing, and my mum was shrieking in chinese like "what lah, must show the woman some colour. This kind of b****. Really crazy woman" She was shrieking! And how loud my mum was. The woman actually kinda got scared and got into her car, and park to the far side of slot c. All the while, my mum just stood there glaring at her car and her while the woman put in a reverse gear, making sure she didn't "accidentally" knock into our car.

Honestly, after that when that woman's husband came back from Sim Lim, he didn't say much. Just look from my glaring mother to his glaring wife's face glaring at each other, with murders in their eyes, took over the steering wheel and drove off. But honestly, they already sort of spoiled our moods already. Spent the rest of the night being grumpy at each other.

Some people are just too unreasonable to understand or discuss or even explain our actions to. My cousin actually ask me what will I do if I'm in charge. I thought about it and came to the conclusion that I'll do nothing. Why? Because, if we think that this kind of woman are uncivillized barbarians (which i think so), a total unreasonable woman, then by immitating her, wouldn't we have turned into someone we actually dislike ourselves? And besides, God is fair. I'm sure he'll deal with the woman as he see fit. Even if he forgives her. So must we since we are not in the position to judge her when we ourselves are not free of sins. And Besides, if she's still rational, i believe, if i were her, i would really be ashamed of my actions which was taken over by anger. Anger which has clouded over the brains, and thought over your rational thoughts..

Haha... now that I felt better after venting all my frustrations, I'm going to bed already.

Signing off now...
A tout a l'heure

time stops for nobody ||1:00 AM

Saturday, September 11, 2004

BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO

Don't take your love away from me.
Don't you leave my heart in misery.
If you go, then I'll be blue
`cause breaking up is hard to do.

Remember when you held me tight,
and you kissed me and felt so right.
Think of all, we've been through,
breaking up is hard to do.

They say that breaking up is hard to do;
now I know, I know that it's true.
Don't say that this is the end.
Instead of breaking up
I wish that we were making up again (we were making up again)

I beg of you (I beg of you) don't say good-bye;
can't we give our love just one more try?
Come on, let's start anew,
Coz' breaking up is hard to do.

They say that breaking up is hard to do;
now I know,(I know) I know that it's true.
Don't say that this is the end.
Instead of breaking up
I wish that we were making up again (oh… we were making up again).

I beg of you (don't) don't say good-bye;
can't we give our love just one more try?
Come on, let's start anew,
breaking up is hard to do.
breaking up is hard to do.

*************************************************************************************

This song is a duet sang by Renee Olstead. And i think she's really capable. She's only 15. Anyway, i thought this song really sentimental and sweet and the melody really really nice. And besides, for whatever reason, this song actually fits my mood.

I know... i know... i haven't really written the blog for a long long long while. But hey... it's being a tedious week. I started school on monday. Stansfield is actually an okay school so far. Clean, nice interior, helpful and friendly teachers. With quite a good studying atmosphere, state of the art computers and quite q good facilitated classroom.

There, i actually met a very very nice girl and we hit off well together.she's cheerful and nice and has a good head on her shoulder unlike somebody (Jane... u know who i'm talking about right?? you lah!! Who else.. lol...) So currently my life is like the calm tide where nothing is really interesting...

I was just chatting online with an icq friend of mine. He asked me a question: What kind of guys do I like? Actually after I long thought I cannot say exactly what kind. I mean, i've got a vague idea of what quality i want in a lifetime partner. But to say what kind of guy i actually like is really beyond me...

After a really long thought, i replied him. I told him i like guys who are.:

(1) Creative and romantic.

(2) Playful yet serious when the situation differs

(3) Quiet and humorous.

(4) Caring and intuitive

(5) Cute and compromising.

But then i thought again. Isn't that what every girl wants ? Isn't it abit too contradictory of me? The qualities i set are definitely unattainable. since these type of guys can definitely be classified as extinct. Don't you honestly agree? I mean, have you even heard about these perfect guys much less seen them?

Actually, i didn't say this to disparate all guys in general. No one is perfect, guys or girls and definitely, no relationship is perfect. i mean if everything goes really smooth-sailing. you should really be worried then.

Hence, my answer to what kind of a guy i really want is i don't know. I have no idea at all. Each of us is not perfect and I do believe that God has an ideal mate planned for each and every single one of us.

Meanwhile, i guess i'll just keep having crush until i'm ready to settle down :P

And like that song says "So far at least, until tomorrow, I'll never fall in love again" ...

Ok then since I've gotta go, i thought I'd leave you with an encouragaing phrase

"Never Let the Fear of Striking out keeps you from Playing the Game".

I saw this quote in the Cinderella Story and i really find it meaningful. So i hope you'll really cherish it as i do.

Au Revoir!

Sigining off now.

Labels: musique

time stops for nobody ||7:52 PM